I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience lately, mainly for obvious reasons. At my last company we were told it was an important trait. I tend to agree with the overall sentiment but I also think that it takes forms you may not expect.

I see it in reminding yourself that a layoff is not a failure on your part, but on upper leadership – even as you struggle to land your next opportunity. In not listening to the impostor syndrome living in your head, but believing past colleagues when they say, or write recommendations, that you were valuable – both in your work and as a person. In believing in yourself and risking hope, despite a wave of rejection that pushes you towards despair. In helping others – with encouragement or kindness or recommendations to remind them how awesome they are – even when you grapple with how to help yourself.

We have minimal control over the challenges we will face in Life, despite our best efforts. The only real control we have is how we respond to those challenges.

There is a really great Instagram I was introduced to. Basically it constantly reminds you that a bad day does not equal a bad life, that life is hard and sometimes you need to rest and recharge, and you are not broken even if you feel like it sometimes. It reminds me that resilience and success are imperfect and not a straight line. And that often our own worst critic is ourselves.

As I get older I feel like I’m less sure of what I know, paradoxically. One thing that has served me well for a while though is to put the energy into the world that you wish you received. Not in the sense that it will be circular and necessarily make its way back to you – it often doesn’t. Simply because society is an interconnected organism and if we truly want the experiment to succeed we’re always going to need more kindness, empathy, grace, and humor.

Finally I think resilience is about community, as it builds your support network. That could include family – immediate or extended, a church or faith organization, friends, pets, neighbors, or however you find belonging. I’ve felt most resilient when I felt I belonged somewhere. When I don’t is when I struggle the most with believing in myself.

Be kind, show grace, and have empathy – for yourselves and others. Try to find humor, even in your darkest moments. Find a few moments of joy and small things to be grateful for every day. Love those that you care about fiercely and remind them of that love regularly. I think if we do this as best we can each day, we are showing resilience.