I’ve never once gotten a job offer or even an interview from interacting with a recruiter. There has been zero return on investment.

Further, it can be overwhelming as they send you an email, then call you and leave a voice mail to ask if you got the email, then text you to say they left a message about the email they just sent you. It’s mentally and emotionally draining at times. Especially in a market like this one.

Now, to be clear, I’m talking about external or third party recruiters – those that companies hire to help fill positions for them. I’ve worked with a couple of internal recruiters for companies I applied or was hired for and they were all wonderful, useful, and valuable to interact with. 

I also realize that I have colleagues I’ve worked with over the years that swear by recruiters and have had vastly different experiences with them. So maybe it’s just something in my personality that doesn’t work with this model. I’ve long felt, in many aspects, that I live in a world that simply does not seem built for me. That something in my brain is just a bit different and doesn’t sync with what the majority of people want and expect.

It also often feels like everyone else that was laid off around the time I was with my previous company has gotten offers by now. Some have been through more than one job. So the evidence seems to imply that the fault lies with me. But if so, I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to change without being inauthentic, which feels misleading. Like when I’m often encouraged to run my resume through AI and what it spits out is an impressive candidate that uses some of my skills and experience – but is definitely not me. Might that land me a job? Sure. But will they actually be satisfied when they find out the person they hired is not me but an AI clone of me? Doubtful. 

I want to be wrong about recruiters. There have been multiple instances where a position – usually one built around someone who knows about coding with accessibility in mind, which I feel pretty confident about – opens up near me and I get a barrage of communication from recruiters. I get that feeling that maybe this will be the time. But it never seems to go anywhere. They ask for a lot – time, commitment to work with them, resumes, etc – and nothing ever comes in return. 

Early in my career, in and just around college, I worked in sales. So I know it’s part of it. In other words, it’s transactional and rapport can be beneficial, but it’s not a requirement. My point is not that they are the problem. I think I’m the problem in that I keep trying even though nothing comes of it beyond frustration and wasted time. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.”

But I want to be employed. I want the routine of a fixed schedule. To solve problems, hopefully interesting ones but simply to solve them and be useful. To provide value and be compensated for it. To not feel discouraged, adrift, and lost. To help people and make their jobs, and therefore hopefully their lives, just a little easier.

I know what I’m doing isn’t working. I know I need help. I don’t know where to find it. I’m not great or comfortable asking for it, though I have tried. But recruiters don’t seem to be the answer for me. My brain just isn’t wired for that model or process I suppose.