I see it in reminding yourself that a layoff is not a failure on your part, but on upper leadership – even as you struggle to land your next opportunity. In not listening to the impostor syndrome living in your head, but believing past colleagues when they say, or write recommendations, that you were valuable – both in your work and as a person. In believing in yourself and risking hope, despite a wave of rejection that pushes you towards despair. In helping others – with encouragement or kindness or recommendations to remind them how awesome they are – even when you grapple with how to help yourself.

We have minimal control over the challenges we will face in Life, despite our best efforts. The only real control we have is how we respond to those challenges.

There is a really great Instagram I was introduced to. Basically it constantly reminds you that a bad day does not equal a bad life, that life is hard and sometimes you need to rest and recharge, and you are not broken even if you feel like it sometimes. It reminds me that resilience and success are imperfect and not a straight line. And that often our own worst critic is ourselves.

As I get older I feel like I’m less sure of what I know, paradoxically. One thing that has served me well for a while though is to put the energy into the world that you wish you received. Not in the sense that it will be circular and necessarily make its way back to you – it often doesn’t. Simply because society is an interconnected organism and if we truly want the experiment to succeed we’re always going to need more kindness, empathy, grace, and humor.

Finally I think resilience is about community, as it builds your support network. That could include family – immediate or extended, a church or faith organization, friends, pets, neighbors, or however you find belonging. I’ve felt most resilient when I felt I belonged somewhere. When I don’t is when I struggle the most with believing in myself.

Be kind, show grace, and have empathy – for yourselves and others. Try to find humor, even in your darkest moments. Find a few moments of joy and small things to be grateful for every day. Love those that you care about fiercely and remind them of that love regularly. I think if we do this as best we can each day, we are showing resilience.

I have a lot of challenges in standing out from other people going for the jobs I apply to. I’m at an age where people, especially in tech, often don’t want to give you a chance anymore. I’ve always been a bit specialized so while I have JavaScript skills in various libraries and frameworks I’m not very confident in my skills. I have to always double check my syntax or look up what exactly it is to turn the algorithm I know into something that it will run. That lack of confidence shows in phone screenings and interviews unfortunately. Finally I’m very socially awkward which throws people off until they get to know me better.

So I worry. That even though I know I have valuable skills, I won’t get a good opportunity. I’d like to say it’s impostor syndrome but the longer I go between jobs the more I worry that maybe the data is validating my doubts. 

I try to draw from the evidence of my career for confidence. The dozens of heartfelt, kind, and generous recommendations colleagues have given me over the years on LinkedIn. The fact that I’ve worked for a half dozen companies from startups with less than a dozen people to Fortune 100 giants. That code I’ve written has powered sites from freelance brochure sites getting hundreds of visitors a month to ones getting millions. 

I look at the length and breadth of my career. From working on sites that used tables for layout and had hacks for IE6 to the birth and growth of responsive web design and device agnostic sites to flex and grid and JavaScript frameworks. And everything in between. 

I know my heart and that I’m still passionate about solving interesting problems and helping users get done what they need in as simple and intuitive ways as possible. That I enjoy making sites that are accessible and responsive. That I’m driven to work with other smart, talented, passionate people who I can mentor and learn from. That I believe I’m a good colleague willing to build people up, be kind and empathetic, and always understanding that while we love what we do it’s a job and that life is more than just work.

But still I worry. That I won’t be seen in an ocean full of so many candidates, including a lot of fake AI ones. That my networking and social skills will be lacking to get me that crucial second look. That with everything going against me I’ll have to be perfect at every step and even one mistake will doom me.

I often see how confident some of my peers and colleagues are and wonder if they ever feel the same. If they never ask “why me?” but always think “why not me?” I wish I could be like that. A long time ago in what feels like another life I sold Cutco and my managers there always pushed the concept of “acting as if”. Acting as if you’d sold a million dollars of it, that the sale was a given it was just a question of what they’d decide to get, that the person you were calling with just a name of a friend as a way in would give you their time and not hang up on you. But I never really could then either.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life grinding but never really breaking through to that, perhaps mythical plane, where you’re successful, respected, and looked up to. I’ve always felt like I had to prove myself every week or every day and that eventually someone would figure out I’m a big fraud and it would all come crashing down. Lately it feels like that’s happened.

I try to have hope. I fully realize how lucky and blessed I’ve been to have had the career I’ve had and have always been very careful to secure myself as best as I could in case it did end unexpectedly. But it’s disappointing to feel like you have so much more to offer and so many goals that seem just within reach, yet you just can’t seem to get traction. It reminds me of a quote from a movie I like, “You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can’t move… you can’t breathe… because you’re in over your head. Like quicksand.” I feel overwhelmed and discouraged and hopeless.

So I worry. And I pray to the universe. And I try to stay ambitious and driven about learning, reading, and staying up to date on what’s going on. Even when it feels utterly pointless. When you spend a half hour making an account in Workday to apply to a single job that is exactly what you’ve been doing for the last decade… and less than five minutes later you get an auto rejection that basically says you’re unqualified. Even when you know that it’s not true, but it’s hard to keep the faith in that belief.

I don’t know what’s next or what I’m going to do, and that possibly worries me the most. I try to focus on what I can control. I try to remind myself that I’m not defined by my job or my career. That I’ve sold knives and cleaned cages and stocked shelves. And while I might want more than that there is always that if I have to. That pride doesn’t get you very far and often causes more problems than it solves.

So I worry and I write and I dream and I hope. Tomorrow the Universe may listen and care. But for today all I can do is live the best I can in this precious gift called life.

I’ve always struggled with the traditional office environment. Harsh lights that gave me headaches. A hum of noise around distracting me so much I often had to have headphones in listening to music, usually louder than my cubicle mates would appreciate in my younger years. People stopping by my or neighboring desks to ask questions that could have been sent in DMs and looked at during natural pauses in flow.

I’ve thought a lot about the concept of flow, that sort of zen like state often spoken of in reverence that developers get into. While it is a thing and often directly correlates to developer productivity level there’s also the cynical part of me that looks at it from the outside. How so often developers are given an air of mystique – going into flow, solving great problems, whiteboards full of cryptic notes and diagrams. Again all of it does have a core of truth in it but I often think how much we play into it for our own benefit. Or how it’s not that different from anyone else just having deep focus on a problem. But I digress.

Going back to productivity and the core of what I set out to talk about I think companies and leadership have it wrong right now. As I write this we’re deep into the “return to office” (RTO) movement in that most large companies are pushing to limit if not do away with remote and even hybrid work to a great degree. One of the things I often came back to in meetings when we seemed to be spiraling without arriving at a solution was the simple question of “what are we actually trying to solve?”

With RTO it seems to be two things – control and productivity. Control in the workplace has always been a battlefield where the front line moves back and forth between employees and companies. When there’s more need than workers we get more mobility, benefits, and pay. When there’s not, we have to make compromises and sacrifices to support ourselves or our families. But productivity I think is the more interesting one. It directly relates to something that employers focus on – return on investment (ROI). If I’m more productive for the same salary, they get more. So often their goal is to make us more productive which they feel RTO does. But the data I’ve seen implies different and we saw this in the unwilling experiment we were all enrolled into during the pandemic.

When the pandemic started I had already been working remotely for about six months and working hybrid before that for years. Having all of my colleagues join me remotely was even better for me. I’ve often struggled with when to interject in conversations which means I really struggle during meetings over a certain size. But with all of us in Zoom (or Teams or whatever) your ability to read body language and the room was limited, so we all sort of naturally fell into the tools built in like the hand raising feature. So if I had something to say I could use that and it felt much more natural and comfortable for me. 

After people started to initially go back into the office I struggled again. Partly because of that – people wouldn’t look for the hand notification as naturally anymore instead focusing on the people in the room – but also because as with most companies I worked on distributed teams. Even if we were all in the office there were multiple offices – NYC, Boston, India, etc. So now you not only had side conversations going on in a room but multiple ones and they couldn’t see each other.

During the pandemic we also utilized DMs, emails and other asynchronous forms of communication because you couldn’t lean over a cubicle wall or walk to someone’s desk. And because we were all in the same boat we grew comfortable with focusing on tasks and then checking them during natural breaks in focus (or flow). Once people started going back into the office that changed back as well with more desire for immediate responses.

One of the things I noticed most is that during the pandemic the teams I was on were very high performance. Our productivity was much higher before some of us returned to the office. Communication and rapport were also better before RTO. I had an interesting dichotomy as I worked on two teams. One that was distributed and hybrid and one that was almost fully remote. The fully remote team continued on being very productive and cohesive – even though many of us were (like myself) not 100% assigned to the team. The hybrid team tended to coalesce around office locations.

I noticed this most with two of the more junior developers on the team. During the pandemic when everyone was remote both got guidance and mentorship about equally. After we went back to the office because of the distribution of the team, one was in our main office with both tech leads and another senior developer while the other was on their own even when in the office. I don’t think you need many chances to guess who tended to get more mentorship after RTO.

And that sort of gets to my point. Remote work always felt more democratic and productive to me. We’re all on the same level so we all have the same voice and attention, not just who is in front of tech leads, management, etc. So mentorship and promotions at least feel more fair. Bonds are made not by proximity but by rapport and respect. Finally you’re able to have more control over your focus so you can do more deep work.

If you were observing me in the office versus remote it may look like I was more productive in the office, but there’s an illusion there. I wouldn’t argue that if you compared time directly in front of the computer I was probably doing that more in the office. And it was because of being in the office, but not because people were watching me. It was because I couldn’t control interruptions, would get pulled out of flow, and then have to get back into it. The same problems I could solve in 1-2 hours at home where I could just be heads down would take me 3x (or longer) in the office. Unless I sequestered myself in one of our “phone booths” or jammed my headphones in and ignored everyone who didn’t directly tap me on the shoulder or sit on my desk – but at that point what is the value of going into the office anyways?

I get the arguments against it. Managers are able to see us more in the office. But they weren’t during the pandemic and most of the data I’ve seen says that was some of the most productive times for companies. Maybe that’s skewed a bit because we literally couldn’t leave our houses, but even as things started to open up the data I’ve seen seemed to hold. It seemed to do wonders for retention too because, surprisingly, when you treat people like adults and look at their results and not whether they’re sitting at a desk in some office somewhere for a requisite number of hours they feel more valued and trusted. Which makes them want to stay and, ironically, work to keep that trust. They value the natural joy of actually building and accomplishing things, of having purpose.

I also get that for junior developers it’s harder to be mentored virtually than in person. It helps to sit next to someone rather than sharing a screen on Zoom. But now there’s a huge push towards AI and pair programming (or vibe coding or whatever the next buzzword will be) which is basically exactly the same thing as virtual mentoring.

So again I go back to – what are we really trying to solve? As humans, with our one wild and precious life, what do we really want from our work which will take up so much of our lives during some of the best years? Why can’t we have a little more trust, empathy, and kindness for and in each other? Or are we all just doomed to being “resources” that capitalism can extract as much productivity from before they have no more use for us and toss us aside? 

I know the type of company I would build if I had the wealth, ambition, and skills to. But maybe that’s just me. 

I have been of two minds lately. Part of me has been critical of myself. I should have been using this time to improve and keep my skills fresh. To learn new frameworks, contribute to open source projects, take on new freelance gigs, or finally crank out that CSS Zen Garden example I’ve always thought about. To set myself apart from all the other developers out there in the same situation.

I keep thinking about how when I do finally get an interview – yes, after months and dozens upon dozens of applications I’ve barely got phone screenings, never mind an interview despite having been doing this for a long time – I’m going to be rusty, look unprepared, and fail miserably. That I’m going to lose out on some opportunity. That I’m going to fail and lose everything I’ve been working for in my career.

My other mind is thinking of how burnt out I was towards the end of my last job. How difficult it was through and even several years after Covid. How being remote and often forgotten as people went back to a hybrid schedule left me feeling isolated, especially after having moved 700 miles away from most of my family near the end of 2019. How hard it was to find joy and satisfaction in my work some days. 

So instead I’ve been spending my time reading, playing with my cats (including my new adopted family member Elsie), playing video games, watching movies and tv shows that have sat too long in my watchlists, going to museums, walking, thinking, and writing. Which has caused me to think a lot about that poem The Summer Day by Mary Oliver. About how this decade of my Life has been one about great challenges and resiliency. Of loss and starting to feel old. And how even when I get a job again it will likely be at least 20-25 years before I’m granted an opportunity like this to just… live.

I want to feel more guilty. I do think about how it will likely cost me in lost future income and wealth generation. But I also think about what is the point of all that if I never get to live to enjoy it. How I’ve lost friends and family that were younger than I am today. How at this point in his Life my Dad only had 15 years left. About my recent car accident and how many close calls I had on my motorcycle before I stopped riding a few years ago and how I don’t know how many more tomorrows I may get. 

So I try to show myself grace. I try to draw peace and hope from a post I recently saw that talked about how maybe you don’t need a wizard or rock star or 10x developer, but just someone boring and experienced. Someone that feels a lot more like me. Someone who will probably never wow you but has delivered and done their best to be a good, empathetic and kind coworker.

I don’t really regret the jobs I didn’t get or the money I didn’t make, not at this point in my life and career. But I do regret the life opportunities I missed. Part of moving away was a sense of “carpe diem” after a friend of mine died five years ago, right about the same age I am now. I had big Life plans that, sadly, didn’t quite work out and in hindsight may not have been worth the trade off. But the spirit of that – to live, to find joy, to savor this precious gift we call Life – I think I may have forgotten it until being granted this opportunity to slow down and think about what I really want.

So no, I haven’t become a better developer during my unplanned sabbatical that this has become. But I think that’s okay. I think I will be okay. 

“Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

It’s probably sad to say that a cat is your best friend. But, for better or worse, Loafy was my best friend. He’d been through a few different family members before I agreed to take him when I bought my first home late in 2009. I didn’t realize the blessing I was about to receive.

I’ve had a few cats that have had a lot of personality and Loafy was definitely one of them. When he was younger he used to tear up and down the length of my house chirping, for lack of a better word. He would come running from anywhere when he heard me open a can of food or a bag of treats. And like Mugsy he just seemed to know my mood, especially when I was down and would always try to cheer me up.

Because he’d gone through several homes I wasn’t always exactly sure when his birthday was. I was pretty sure it was in 2004 but was told June and March at different times. Regardless, last year he celebrated his 19th birthday. During the pandemic I had almost lost him. He started losing a ton of weight and being extremely tired. I found out he had hyperthyroidism and knowing that he hated pills or anything of the sort, and being blessed with resources, I decided to get him radiation treatment.

I was terrified. The only other time he’d been in surgery of any sort he’d had a really bad reaction to the anesthesia. Plus being so frail I was convinced I was about to lose him. Thankfully he pulled through, although I do think I annoyed the vets with how often I called to check on him. Unfortunately through the sickness and everything else he’d lost his hearing but other than that he was in pretty good shape for a teenage cat. Plus he now had a new quirk where he didn’t realize how loud he was and would scream. It used to drive me nuts. I’d give anything for it now.

Just before Christmas he started to be very tired and lose weight again. I knew something was up. I took him to the vet multiple times and they’d treated him for cold like symptoms. His kidneys had started to go a few years ago but had stabilized at stage 2 as I adjusted his diet. But just after I got back from visiting my family for Christmas he’d started to get real bad. They had done bloodwork only a few months before but I got him retested and that’s when they told me it’d progressed to stage 4 and he probably had a few weeks left at best.

I was devastated. I had prayed and begged God or the Universe or anyone that would listen for him to go peacefully in his sleep when his time came. But now I knew I’d have to once again make that difficult call all pet caretakers dread. His last weekend was the most difficult. I knew I wanted to use my vet but they were only open half days on Saturday and closed on Sunday. On Friday he was doing really bad but he rallied on Saturday and stayed stable until Monday morning.

But Monday I could tell it was time. He could barely hold himself up. He had lost all interest in food or treats. It was just time, as much as I didn’t want it to be. Life is cruel in making us choose to have our family put down, even if it may be a kindness in saving them from suffering.

It was January 22, 2024 and I had lost my best friend. Now it’s been just over 7 months and while I’m still so thankful that I got him in my Life and for so long, I do miss him so much.

The one consolation is back when Loafy was around 9 I decided he needed a buddy. So I had gotten a kitten named Grizzly. He’s about to celebrate his 11th birthday on Halloween and we both miss our best friend. Neither of us is as close to each other as we were to Loafy, but at least we still have each other.

With no further ado, on guilt:

Guilt is a powerful emotion. It’s a form of self evaluation in which we introspectively criticize ourselves for past actions. Guilt is interesting in that it’s self applied. While others can influence our movement towards in inherently we must assign it to ourselves for it to have meaning.

So what is the meaning of Guilt? It’s a learning tool. When we feel Guilty about something mainly it’s because we feel that a past action was not handled in a way which we are proud of. We feel that we could have done something more or different and changed the course that we’re on now. It’s Potential – we feel Guilt because we surmise that by changing that action we’d be on a better course than we are now or a better person for doing more – even if it didn’t change the eventual outcome.

• Marketing position – involves either designing e-mail campaigns include HTML e-mails, which are not fun at all, or some sort of SEO / social networking skills to drive traffic to the site.
• Jack of all trades – involves 7+ years experience in design (Adobe Suite), front end (XHTML & CSS), middleware (PHP, Java, Ruby, etc) and MySql.  Basically able to design web applications from the ground up.

So, I don’t know.  Maybe I’m looking with the wrong terms or in the wrong places?  Doesn’t anyone just need a good UI developer nowadays?  I mean I have excellent XHTML and CSS skills.  I can design for cross browser compatibility.  I can quickly turn design flats / mocks / comps into UI code.  I’m learning quickly when it comes to design skills (Adobe Suite) and I have a Commercial Arts background – granted it was in high school but I studied art and drew art by hand for 4 years.  I’m willing and eager to take on the design part of the UI – something I haven’t been able to do in my previous positions.  I have some Javascript – including Prototype and jQuery – skills and would be interested in eager to take on more with regards to the UI aspect of these (effects, etc) although not really the parts that go more into middleware (form handling, etc).  I have some middleware capabilities as they pertain to the UI – logic checks, loops, role checks, variable insertion, etc in Ruby, ColdFusion and PHP – as well as experience building on the WordPress framework in PHP.  I have experience in SEO including crafting with web standards and internal linking strategy to maximize organic SEO as well as instructing a user base on social networking strategies to grow inbound links.  Finally, I have experience working with and educating a large user base as well as identifying usability issues for that user base in future design features.

So, being a realist, I have to assume the deficiency is with me.  However, I’ve worked for two separate professional organizations and both needed someone that was only a subset of what I’m looking to take on.  So is there no middle ground?  Can you only do the icing or the whole cake?  I hope not.

The main issue lies in that to be a good UI developer you have to focus on the changing field.  New browsers are released every year and updates are made.  You have to be aware of what bugs exist in major browsers – especially Microsoft ones – and understand quickly how to fix the rendering issues in those.  You also have it identify web trends (web 2.0 design, AJAX integration, etc) and include them in beautiful and usable designs. By broadening focus too much – to middleware or backend development – you lose the ability to do that.  I realize you don’t want to be too specialized but I feel crafting a beautiful design, coding it with web standards and cross browser capability in mind, and inserting any jQuery effects that add to it is a pretty big slice of the pie, so to speak.

Also, design and UI work is more artistic versus middleware / backend which is much more logical and analytical.  So it’s very difficult to be of those two minds.  I just feel expanding the focus to that is going to dilute the whole output.  Finally, it really is of no interest to me to design controllers or write queries so I feel my output would not be as useful or good as something I’m passionate about like the front end.

So I don’t know what the answer is.  But I’m discouraged moving forward.  It does make me wish I had taken more time to grow my freelance portfolio as this would be the perfect time to make that jump and see if I could make it on that.  Unfortunately, it’s just not an option.

Advice or insight welcome.

In actually making a theme, instead of modifying one I found, I learned a great deal about WordPress. It’s a very interesting and powerful tool. And the WordPress codex is invaluable in getting the full power out of it.

I’ve also been playing with some other open source stuff including a wiki, forums, comicpress and buddypress.  Depending on how useful I see them being, I might bring them public on one of my domains or subdomains.  I also have 2 new domains, one of which I hope to make as destination page for all things me – which will then link to my various efforts like this blog (including my portfolio section which needs updating), my open source contributions, my social media (delicious, twitter, etc).  But until they’re ready, I don’t foresee making them public facing just yet.

As for the open source software I’m really impressed with Buddypress – and the forums that you can tie in which I actually like a lot better than SMF, which I use for familiarity.  Buddypress basically allows you to use the wordpress-mu (multi user) to create a social network.  Who needs more social networks though, right?  Well, I have a niche one that might be interesting.  Or it could be closed off to only my family/friends if they’re interested.  Either way, it’s a fun and interesting tool.

Going back to the forums thing though – if you have a more useful tool than SMF I’m listening.  I’ve tried PhpBB and was not impressed.  I forget the one that ties in with Buddypress – I only have it locally configured on one of my boxes now – but, as I said, it was interesting.

So that’s about it for now.  All that takes time so updates will be infrequent to this blog.  Although they’ll be more frequent than recently (i.e. not once every 6 months or so hopefully) but less frequent than I was when I really used this.  Granted though, my aim is to use it for meatier topics – talking about new open source projects I’ve developed (themes, plugins, etc) and web design – rather than the more mundane topics in the past.

If you want to know about the more mundane aspects of my life or what’s caught my interest (and until I tie them into my site and/or blog) feel free to check out my shared Google items, my twitter, or my delicious.  Be warned though that they are more personal than professional.  Given that I have a cynical and sarcastic nature that I tend not to show on professional endeavors you may not like, or maybe even be offended, by some of the things on there.  I apologize if so, but it’s a simple fix – don’t read them.  I don’t anticipate it to be so in most cases but in this “PC” world, you have to be careful.

My thoughts are that overall, we’re all flawed and human. The more transparent you are – within reason and privacy concerns – the more people can understand you.  Perhaps seeing my cynical side, myriad of Magic the Gathering links, or other personal aspects of my life will make you enjoy my work more.

Or perhaps you’ll think I’m a tool.  That’s the risk we run when we share.

Random Tidbit: P2 is an interesting use of WordPress.  It seems that WP is becoming a very popular platform to expand on because of it’s open source nature and large community of developers expanding it.  It’s basically – if I understand it correctly – a group blog that combines aspects of Twitter and Basecamp.

By the way – if anyone knows an open source tool like Basecamp, especially if it’s written on the WP platform, please let me know.  I’m cheap.  I know they have the free Basecamp plan but it doesn’t really meet my needs.  We use it at Helium and it’s – to be frank – amazing.  37 Signals is a bright group of people.

I accomplished none of those – yet. Hopefully some will be checked off my list soon, but no guarantees.

The second reason was work. Don’t get me wrong – I love my job, a lot. They pay me a good salary to do something I love. I have basically full control over the UI so that I can design with web standards – something I’ve gotten progressively better at even though I’m no Meyer or Santa Maria. However, when you do something all day it’s hard to come home and relax by doing more of it – even if it’s for yourself and something you enjoy.

The product of this recent work is of course the Helium Marketplace. This is something we’ve had in beta for awhile, had been a big success, and that we wanted to launch with extended features. This is also something – along with our rating engine – that sets us apart from every other site on the web. Which I enjoy because that means my stock options might be worth more than the paper they’re written on someday.

The basic premise or buzzword associated with this sort of entity is “citizen journalism” – of which you can read a sometimes slanted view of here. This was started really by the blog surge of the past 5-10 years. Normal, everyday people could write about what they know and become a “citizen journalist” – someone who might not have formal training and is not part of the main media machine, but that still has an opinion or knowledge about a subject that may be of value to someone.

Although some blogs are huge, it’s a rarity. Some gather a good niche audience of friends, family, and people with similar interests – my friend Paul’s blog would likely qualify. Most blogs – as I have experienced first hand with mine – experience little or no traffic. So 90% or more either toil on in obscurity or fail.

Helium was originally founded to help with this. Instead of one person writing in obscurity they could come to Helium, write about what they know, and be ranked against dozens or hundreds of others who did the same. Helium would grow much, much faster than a blog, would have the resources to market itself much better, would have better SEO, and, therefore, would have a much larger traffic base. In return, Helium shares it’s ad revenue with those same writers based upon their contributions to the site. This was citizen journalism – except on a much more massive scale than seen before and with many voices instead of one – like Wikipedia.

It takes awhile to build a good knowledge base, to train your writers to think beyond the – typically short – blog post writing, and to market that resource to the web community. As we did, a new need in the writing community became apparent – freelance writing. For the most part, when a magazine or website needs an article that their normal staff cannot produce – either because of under staffing or simply using freelance writers to save on the cost of staffing – they turn to the freelance market. They use different sites and services that allow you to list what they’re looking for and in the end it becomes like a job posting. They “interview” many candidates, pick one, pay a fee, and get an article.

The issue is the freelance community is small and you pay before you see results. This was fine because it was the only method of supplying the need. However, we found a new method. We had a collection of motivated writers looking to become more legitimate and make more money. So the premise was simple. You, as a magazine editor, need an article on “Real life Gardening stories.” You can go the old route, pay $500 for a freelance and get 1 article. Of you can post that title on Helium Marketplace, dozens or hundreds of writers will write on the subject, we will rate the articles, and then for $25-100 you can have your pick of the one (or two, or three) you like most.

It’s a win-win-win situation. The magazine gets many articles to choose from instead of one at a fraction of the cost. The writer gets a – for them – hefty payment and a byline in a real media source. Helium gets a small percentage for brokering the deal and the ability to add any unpurchased articles to our knowledge base.

So far it’s taking off and there has been a lot of buzz. It’s a huge niche that needed filling, we’re the only one filling it, and we’re learning more every day. It was an awesome learning experience to help build it – even my small part in it. Most importantly the community loves it. We have community boards in which I get the privilege of interacting with the intelligent, active, fun, and (sometimes intensely) passionate “Heliumites.” It’s a learning experience for me as I’ve grown from someone who simply went on there to read what users thought, to someone who explained features and informed the community on things like social book marking and networking, and now to someone who (surprisingly for me) has become a respected voice in the community. It’s a rewarding, sobering, maturing, and sometimes downright scary feeling.

I don’t cross link too frequently. However, since this has become a cross between a “Helium History” post and a press release I might as well :). You can see my Helium articles here – most, if not all, have been dual posted on this site in the past (granted with formatting, links, and in some cases revisions). You can see my board contributions here – though you are warned some of my early ones are bad and I freely admit to making mistakes.

I look forward to working at Helium as long as they’ll let me. I definitely feel I would wear out my welcome before I would decide to leave. Besides doing something I love and getting paid for it I also get to work with some really great people (best development team, or team period, I’ve been on, ever, by far), learn a great deal about new technologies (Git, Ruby on Rails, working on a Mac…), drink beer at work (paid for by Helium == awesome), and when we need a break (work hard, play hard) break into a game of Nerf war or hackey.

And now back to my regularly scheduled insomnia.

Random Tidbit: In a truly random tidbit, my favorite pastime Magic the Gathering is releasing it’s new set Shadowmoor soon. Which means I will be spending way too much money on boxes of tiny cardboard cards and way too much time opening and then sorting said cards. Perhaps too much time placing them on Ebay as well – a painful subject I may yet expand upon in the future.

I had lost 3 other ferrets at this point. Mugsy had been the first in my family and the last to go. She was the most loyal pet you could ask for. She would always cheer me up when I was down. Somehow she always knew how I was feeling.

People will judge you for being too attached or close to a pet, but I don’t really care. I had her for 7 years and, except for a few trips I made, was responsible for her care every day. She came with me to Virginia Beach and kept me company in a place where I knew no one. She was my navigator for the many trips home as well.

Like any pet owner I have many regrets – things I should have done or shouldn’t have done or should have done more. But you do the best you can and hope that it’s enough. I think my ferrets had a good life. I hope so.

Unlike my other 3 ferrets who died from cancer, Mugsy had survived cancer for several years. She had a different type that we were able to control. But she was getting old and her vision and hearing was not as good as it used to be I think. A friend was holding her, I picked up a plastic bag and the noise was enough to startle her. She leapt from my friend’s hands and hit her head on the floor. I think he blamed himself, but I never did. I did blame myself for a long time because I scared her and because I didn’t check her well enough after. She seemed ok, but shortly after my sister said something was wrong and when I looked at her my heart broke.

I spent that night with her on my chest, talking to her. I couldn’t sleep and she couldn’t really move. The vet gave me hope – I thought she would be immediately put down – but as I mentioned before that hope was dashed one year ago today.

I thought after losing the other 3 ferrets, after almost losing my dad and after my brother’s accident it would somehow be easier. It wasn’t. After I said goodbye and saw her fade, I went numb. I don’t think I felt anything for a week. I had to puppy sit for the next 2 weeks and I was so numb that as my friend lost her dog – the mother – and 5 of the 6 puppies I just couldn’t grieve anymore. I felt bad for her but my heart couldn’t hold any more pain.

It’s funny because all the things I used to get irritated about sometimes – having to take hours out of my day to let them out and make sure they didn’t get hurt, stopping them from getting into or breaking my stuff, etc. – I miss. They could break anything I have if I could see them one more time. I still wake up sometimes and think “ugh, I have to get up and let the ferrets out.” When I realize I don’t have to it only depresses me.

I don’t know what else to say other than I miss my ferrets everyday and I hope that this will never change.

Mugsy and Me – taken just a couple of weeks before she died

All 4 of my ferrets in happier times

Compilation – scanned from 35mm prints, forgive the low quality

Not So Random Tidbit: The Rainbow Bridge

My uncle was a deacon, a father, a husband, a brother and above all else a good man.  I didn’t know him as well as I wish I had, especially considering the fact that he was my Godfather and my father’s big brother.  But from what I do know about him I know that I respected him a great deal, that he had a great sense of humor that could make you laugh at the oddest times at the oddest things, and that if when I die if they say I was half the man he was then I can consider my life worthwhile.

My uncle wanted his 4 brothers to be among his pallbearers but my father suffered a stroke a few years ago and was not able to.  I was given the honor of taking his place.  At the reception afterwards, my aunt thanked me for what I had done and I was too overwhelmed at the time to correct her – that I should have thanked her for letting me pay my respects to him and honor him in that way.

When my father had his stroke, I prepared myself mentally because for awhile, it looked like he would not survive.  I was lucky in that God saw fit to grant me more time with him.  After many years of bad blood between us we had just recently, at the time, started to make amends.  The passing of my uncle led me to think of the fact that soon my parents might follow.  I wish I could say I am a strong enough man that the thought didn’t scare me to my core – but I can’t.

My uncle was a man of faith and his faith in the face of cancer strengthened my faith.  I hope that he knows that.

The added irony is I added a friend from high school… and they didn’t believe it was me.  If that’s not funny, I don’t know what is.

I know, MySpace is horrible.  I actually use Facebook more, but I keep the old MySpace around for I don’t know what reason.

As for everything else, no I’m not dead or have given up on the site.  It’s been heads down at Helium and we’re helping my brother with my niece nearly every night.  That plus other stuff has caused my site to drop in priority unfortunately.  I do have some new templates photoshopped – I just have to code them up.  They’ll probably go to OSWD or OWD as well.

Random Tidbit: Use WordPress to host your site/blog?  Check out Smashing Magazine’s WordPress Plugin and Tutorial article.

I did want to announce that I am the proud uncle and godfather of one Victoria Madison.  She was born around 5pm.  I have never been more proud of my little brother – which is saying a lot because though I may not tell him enough, I have always been proud of him.

No random tidbit today.  Possible pictures once I get permission and my Flickr integrated.

Anyways, the sites are:

• Grinding Tapes Recording Company
• Mobile Man Boston

Get well soon Jason.

5. No other pet will be more loyal or make you laugh more. I’ve had dogs. I had a very good dog. But my ferrets were the best. They knew me by name and face. They were always happy to see me. I was the best thing in their eyes. Their antics and the stories I have still bring a smile to my face.

4. They are always happy. When I let them out of their cage it was like I was giving them the greatest gift in the world. When I chased them, they only liked it more. My only regret is that I thought I would have more time and didn’t do more of either.

3. The only thing more fun that one ferret is two. Or three. Or four. I had only planned on getting 3 ferrets and ended up taking a fourth one in. He proved more work than the other 3 combined. But he was awesome.

2. You can’t help but smile when ferrets get going. I have so many stories of them tackling each other, of the smallest dragging the largest by the scruff after he tackled her, of them getting so agitated by my sister putting their toys away that they’d actually come over and dook (scold) me, and of them teaming up on my cat that I can’t even go into detail on them. I still smile whenever I think about it.

1. You can’t say you’ve lived a complete life until you’ve seen a “weasel war dance.” When a ferret gets extremely happy and/or excited they hop around, tossing their head and expending energy frenetically. It’s extremely hard to explain the weasel war dance. But I dare anyone but the most cold hearted among us to see this in action and not want a ferret in their life.

I cannot get more ferrets at this time. But after much thought I’ve decided that when I do get my own place, I think I will get more “carpet sharks.” I’ll never be able to replace my original foursome, but that’s not really the point. I hope after reading this you give ferrets a chance. They’re not stinky rodents – it’s more like having a kitten that never grows up, but many times more energetic.

Random Tidbit: A collection of weasel war dances found on YouTube: one two three

My ferrets in a happier time:

So if you’re a developer looking for a great company, feel free to come on over.  We could use the help and we’re definitely going places.  You won’t be sorry you did.

Random Tidbit:  I found an interesting article about how Microsoft is dead after fighting with a Vista box that wouldn’t behave (or maybe it was and the behavior it’s supposed to have is illogical, who know’s right now.)  This article takes a different slant than others in that they still make a lot of money, but they’re no longer the big scary monster they used to be – Google is – and the only way to get back up there is to acquire a lot of the top quality startups.  Pretty interesting.

One thing I have been reading more into is mash-ups and pipes.  I hope to have more interesting thoughts and ideas on that in the coming week to ten days.  I’m still trying to find if there are any legal problems with this type of site – I’m assuming if I have no ads and no income generated from it, likely not, which is how I plan mine to be – but I want to research it a little more.  If you have any knowledge on this, please feel free to let me know.

I have also, as I mentioned, stumbled into the wall of providing unique and interesting content on a regular basis.  Unlike most blogs, I don’t see this as a sort of diary.  It’s purpose is more as a guide to web design from a beginner to intermediate level with tips, ideas and thoughts on css, accessibility, web standards and search engine optimization.  I have been thinking of changing or merging it with interested writers in like subjects to form a more well rounded and more frequently updated information source.  The same sort of people you would find on a development team – database gurus, development (php, ruby on rails, cold fusion, etc), and possibly even a graphic designer viewpoint.  I’m not sure if there is the interest out there or even if my audience constituents those types of people, but I’m curious to see if that might be a better solution and provide a better product.  Otherwise I may have to consider scrapping my blog and simply using my articles as content on my site – which I look to be updating and expanding again soon.

Random Tidbit: I found a blog containing an interesting look at different brand name logos redesigned with a web 2.0 feel.  Very interesting.

• Be careful with spending any $2 bills, I found two stories about problems in doing so – one from Woz, who actually has an interesting site, and one involving someone unhappy with Best Buy.
• An interesting post about what code doesn’t do in real life that it does in the movies.
• Some of the top secrets of pizza delivery drivers.
• Why not to pump gas at noon.
• How the gaming generation has a different approach to problem solving and learning.

I have more that I’ll share in future blogs, but I had a backlog of them available.  Enjoy.

This does mean, however, that my posts will become even more infrequent.  I know this will disappoint my faithful readers – all 8 of you – but in order for me to achieve my goals I must prioritize my activities.

I hope that if you are a regular reader of my blog, you have – and will continue to get – something useful out of it.  Have a happy and safe new year.

Be forewarned that it can be odd and seemingly pointless at times, but if you get it, it can be one of funnier books that you will read. It also has some interesting bits of philosophy in it – mostly poking fun at or exploring the oddity that is life.

I have read 4 of the other books and would recommend them as well. Neuromancer seems to be where they get a lot of the ideas for the Shadowrun books. Ringworld also seems to be an idea well for several other series. Finally, Asimov was always a good science fiction writer.

Enjoy. And remember – don’t panic.

Random Tidbit: It’s always important to remember The Ten Commandments of Web Design.

And just like that I have no more ferrets. It’s almost like that old saying (song?) – “this is how the world ends… not with a bang, but with a whimper.” The same day I had to make that decision I went back down to VA to help a friend. And in the process of puppy sitting, she lost her mother dog and 5 of the 6 puppies – and I thought I had it tough. I can’t imagine losing a young, perfectly healthy animal and then most of the reminders of that pet. Unfortunately, with the loss of Mugsy I don’t think I was much help, I just couldn’t process any more grief.

Fortunately, I have a new person in my life that has helped to ease me through these changes. It was sort of ironic, like before she went Mugsy wanted to make sure I was taken care of – like she’d done the past few years.

Not big on dumping out my feelings, especially in a public forum, but with the long absence I felt justification was deserved. I’ll be back to having more web design info, sites and thoughts soon.

Random Tidbit: I wanted to give something web design related. So for those of you who are new to blogging, I stumbled across 2 interesting articles. One talks about 5 ways to build a better blog – content is the key – and the second talks about 21 tips to starting a blog successfully – some good ideas in there I could have used a few months ago. Enjoy.

IE Blog – you can link to the main blog from here, but this post talks about the fixes coming.  Now, hopefully they will make IE 7 a mandatory update so that it won’t take 2-3 years for people to adopt it.

Why IE sucks – a rather humorous blog about one developer’s frustration with the current generation of IE.  Some of the challenges he faces I’m sure we all have.  Hopefully, IE 7 will shut this blog down – in a good way.

That’s all for now.  Thanks for your support.

As for Opera, I found a recent article that talks about how designers can edit their pages in real time and see the results using Opera 9.0. I haven’t had a lot of time to use Opera, but from what I have I’m fairly impressed. It has all the good features of Mozilla – including some additional ones built in that are extensions in Mozilla – as well as neat features like zooming and the ability to render the page you’re viewing as a text browser would – great for improving the accessibility of the site you’re designing and/or improving the SEO. The best part is of the 3 major browsers, it’s the fastest I’ve seen. Unfortunately there’s 2 problems. One is probably user error – some of the pages I’ve designed come out a little funky. I believe this to be because Opera renders the box model correctly but also reads some of the IE hacks I use – or vice versa. I did upgrade to 9 and most of this went away, so that’s a good sign. Two is the bigger problem. Only about 2% of the web users out there use it. That’s on average, and if your site or blog is about the web, especially cutting edge web technology, it’s likely much higher. But it’s still disappointing. With IE7 not looking like it’s going to fix many of the major bugs – and no real explanation why not – I almost wish they would just use all that money they’re raking in, buy Opera and plug it into Vista. But that will never happen.

Another interesting stat on that is that 5% of users still use IE5. Which leads me to believe they either can’t afford to upgrade their computer or they live in a cave. I’m hoping for a day that all users will have a CSS2 (or 3) compliant browser and designing will be a lot easier. But, not too easy, sometimes I feel I’m one good copy of Dreamweaver from being obsolete.

Random Tidbit: An interesting story about the PS3 being make or break for Sony. I had a blog recently about my thoughts on this matter. The more I hear about PS3 the more I think I’m not going to buy one. I think I’ve become an Xbox man. Which is very, very depressing when you think about it. I think I’ll just lie and say I own only the Wii…